New school year!! (09-04)

 Hello everypony!!

It's been four days since school started. And. My god. There is so much different. Our maths and native language teachers are different, our PE and art teachers quit, our computer teacher died (+I probbably missed someone). My class feels very... distant. I only talk to one girl. One. I don't even interact with anyone else in my class, and I likely won't in the future (unless I have to). That's not great. I feel like I am isolated but I don't know what to do. It may be the reason I'm not doing so well mentally, but I'll try to stay. Not sure how I will be when there will be more work. Very overwhelmed, likely. I want more friends but I can't keep any. The only other people I even just like said. Hello. to left to other schools. If someone is reading this, I really need someone to talk to. Please talk to me. If you want to, of course. I've survived so long, don't feel pressure. I want to talk to you if you want to talk to me.

Sorry if my posts are going in a more negative direction, this place is like a diary but with a miniature amount of hope. That there is someone else here. If you read this, I hope you have a wonderful day. Or night. Or morning. Or evening. I hope everything goes well for you :) 

How I feel (Vent) (08-16, 2026)

 Hello everypony!

I've not written for a while because I haven't felt that I need to. I felt happy, like I usually wasn't. No reason. I thought things were getting better. But the thoughts are coming back. Like I just want to get out of this body, as it will never be fully mine. I want to jump off the flat earth, as to say (ik the earth is not flat lol). I feel dread for the new school year. I felt free, but I will be trapped again. I will never be accepted, I don't know if I even accept myself. But I hope someone sees this. Maybe I will feel less lonely. Maybe you will too :).

Dw I likely won't kms lol

Yea short post today, anyways, I hope you have a good rest of your day :3 

My thoughts (07-20, 2026)

 Hello everypony!!

I realised I probbably won't write here often, as I usually feel fine. But there is something in my mind.

  So, for context, I'm going to 9th grade next year, and we had exams and stuff, so a lot of my classmates will be going to different schools. I was, and likely will still be, an outcast. For 4 years (the 1st year from these I was alone) I had one friend. Only one. I barely, barely spoke to anyone else. I know some girls mocked me behind my back for being a furry and like transvestiged me and whatever, I don't really care about them for some reason. 

But there's a different girl who did something similar. She'll be going to another school. She always had bad grades, was disliked by everyone in our class (publicly or in secret), and for understandable reasons. She was also the first person to be nice to me. Fake niceness, but still. It meant a lot. Even though I know I am just like any other weirdo to her, I miss her. I'll be sad when I won't see her everyday. I'll miss her laugh, her cringy lines. I'm not sure why. I feel she could have been a good person. She just got involved with the wrong people. She, maybe, in a sense, is who I could've become, if I was just a bit more social. I used to be friends with Day (not her real name) just like she is. If the classes weren't shuffled in 4th grade, I would likely still be her friend. 

I had a dream recently. We were on a bus, going on a trip (it was in space, but this is a dream so not everything is logical). I was sitting by the window, on the floor, and the aformentioned girl, and another girl named Eve, were in seats nearby. They had their phones, and they were just talking and making fun of me. Eve noticed that I was there, and I maybe heard everything. And in the dream I told her "It's fine, I don't mind". They just continued what they did before. My friend was in a glass box on a seat outside, so I felt alone. But I felt comfort. We arrived, but I don't remember what happened, only that there was snow in the scorching sun. I felt calm.

Now I feel fear. In dreams, I think like I do in real life. It made me aware. I don't want things to change, I want them to stay. Even if it hurts me. Hurting is comforting. It's familliar, safe. I wish I thought differently. I do not like my mind.
Sorry for the heavier rant, but there will be more in the future.

Now, goodnight everyone!! 

 

My day!! (07-10, 2026)

 Hello everypony!!

I forgot to update this for 2 days (sorry lol), but nothing that eventful happened. I cleaned my sister's fish tank, and I'm finishing up a mask I started in the time I've not updated the blog (the mask is an ice dragon btw I'll attach a photo if I can (also if you read this you can name it >:3)). Unrelated but I really like the additions to ls s8(?) so far, it's going to be suuuch a peak season I feel it.

This is a short post because I'm not sure what more to add :P Hope you have an amazing rest of your day, and, goodbyee :3

 (I'll never b able to attach photos cuz this is my alt google account I just realised noooooooo :((((

My day!! (07-07, 2026)

 Hello everypony!! My day was quite nice and productive today :) Here are some things I did:

1. Watched saparata's video "trees hate me" (probbably the title, idrk tbh lol),  it was a good start for my day ^^

2. Cleaned my betta fishes tank and gave him a new filter :D (His name is Mara Ember, if you were wondering, and don't worry, he has a big tank along with plenty hidey spots)

3. Cleaned up three kitchen drawers - One where the utensils are, as there were a lot of items that didn't belong there, and two more, that have food. I had to clean those as I knew there were moths living there, and my mother really doesn't like them (I found a bunch of them in the almonds and some other nuts that I can't remember the names of, hopefully they'll be gone now)

4. Replanted a plant (There was a LOT of mold near the roots, not sure if it will live much longer :( Hopefully)

I also have more tasks for the summer, like fixing the curtain sensor and the humidity+temp. sensor. Hopefully I pull it off lol :3

On an unrelated note, I'm happy that Aximity will start posting again :D 

That is all I have to say for now, have a great  day everyone!!

(Oh, abt the hymn yesterday, the place we went to didn't have an official event, but a bunch of locals gathered, so it was still very nice :)) 

(I wanted to add a photo but it's not in my stupid google account bro)

First post!!

 Hello world!! This is my first time on this platform, so I may use it wrong lol ^^ I will mainly use this as a diary of sorts, just writing down what I do, as it makes me happy :) Today is the 6th, so we're going to a (castlesite? Idk hows it called) to sing the national anthem of Lithuania. The weather is quite good today, but it'll rain all next week :( I want to do something productive indoors then, maybe read a book or whittle, or draw, idrk yet.

So yeah!! I will write more later :3

Have a good day!!